Axel: The Hidden Chapters
by The Orange Jedi
Summary: Book Two in the Memory Puzzles Trilogy. Axel's POV. AxelxOC. I reccomend reading Faded first, but then again I'm just the author. Final Chapter POSTED! Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:  
The Fourteenth Face**

Where had that boy gotten to now? I had turned Twilight Town upside down, and there was no sign of Roxas or Sora. Of course, this was the "fake" Twilight Town, the alternate version of the real place. None of the people knew, either. Not that they talked to me. They couldn't see me. I kicked at a light pole in frustration, and my foot went through. This world was dissolving slowly. There was no point to this alternate reality any longer. Sora had begun his quest. Which was troublesome.

"Damn kid," I muttered. "Why did…"

"Axel!"

"What?" I turned, my hood flying back from my face, baring my brilliant, red, stick-out-everywhere hair. "Oh. Xigbar." Though my companion still had his hood up, I recognized him by his stature and his voice. Or maybe it was the way he was standing, cocky, with his hands ready to do just about anything. Weirdo.

"Stupid fool, looking for that idiot boy still. Diz has already sent him on his way."

"I figured that out, you know." I felt my blood rising, but at this point in time I couldn't lose any more face with anyone in the Organization. My own membership was much too tentative.

"Chill, man," Xigbar laughed. "You'll get your lover back—Xemnas is hatchin' a crazy plan."

I walked up to him, arms crossed. "You bastard," I swore, jamming my fist in his gut, "He was like my brother. Keep saying that shit and I don't care what Xemnas says, I'll kill you myself. Got it memorized?"

"You're a fool," Xigbar had doubled up around my fist, but he righted himself quickly. "You're so easy to get a rise out of, these days. Nervous much?"

"Edgy." I replied, backing up and rubbing my knuckles.

"Understandable."

"Thanks." I snorted, knowing that Xigbar had more on his mind than compassion. "Did you want something, or were you just trying to see how tense I am these days?"

"Xemnas is holdin' a meetin'. Everybody's supposed to be there. Be glad I came to find you instead of lettin' him look." I felt a twinge of apprehension. If Xemnas found out I was still prowling Twilight Town…he didn't need to know how deep this went.

"Thanks," I allowed, grudgingly. "But I don't need a babysitter." I stepped backwards into a darkness door, allowing the town around me fading from vision, replaced by the main chamber of Castle Oblivion.

"Axel!" Xemnas greeted me with a slick smile and a tilt of his cocky, silver head. I grunted in response, taking my usual spot against the far wall.

"Fading into the background. How atypical of yourself, Axel. Something troubling you?"

"Not a thing, Xemnas," I assured him, meeting his eyes with a glare.

"Well, that's good to hear," Xemnas was too happy. He was never this happy. What was going on? He raised his voice, addressing the group as a whole, but his gaze never left mine. What he was saying pertained especially to me, and he drove his point home with his even, steady glare. I held his eyes in my own, refusing to allow him to intimidate me.

"Our latest endeavors have left our ranks somewhat diminished, as you may have noticed," He waved his hand to encompass the entire gathering. Our numbers had depleted. "I have arranged for a 'replacement', if you will. She's on her way down here, now. I trust you will all give her the respect—and PRIVACY—she deserves. She doesn't remember anything about her past. Though it's a tragedy, there's _nothing_ we can do about it."

Well, I thought that was rather obvious. Why make such a point out of something we all already knew? No one was saying anything. No one was looking at anyone else, except for Demyx, who was trying desperately to get my attention. I didn't let him distract me, though. I was still enjoying my glare-down with Xemnas.

I heard a set of footfalls on the hallway behind me, and tilted my head slightly, breaking the contact. Naminé pushed open the double doors; it was her sandals I'd heard. Behind her floated another nobody, hood raised. We couldn't see her face at first, but her figure was an almost perfect hourglass, and everyone in the room instantly took note of her delicate build.

"Thank you, Naminé," Xemnas said, smoothly. "You're excused to your room." Naminé made a slight face, but nodded and turned to go. She laid a hand briefly on the stranger's arm before departing, offering an encouraging smile. The stranger turned to look at her, watching her. Xemnas cleared his throat noisily; Naminé hastened away, the stranger's eyes following her, observing the door as it closed behind her, before she turned her attention back to us.

"Gentlemen, this is Raxet." He waved her forward, and she stepped once, crossing her arms and refusing to advance further. Xemnas pretended not to mind, but I could see the annoyance as his eyebrow twitched. "She is the new Nobody XIII,"

Raxet. Raxet. What combination of name had that come from? I pondered.

Raxet raised her hands to throw back her hood. Brilliant icy-green hair was held back from her face in two long pigtails, each of which fell more than halfway to her ass. Her piercing blue eyes didn't notice me, but I felt their intensity—it stopped my breath, icy in my chest.

"You didn't tell me you were going to showcase me," She scolded Xemnas, angry. Well, it made sense, I found myself thinking. She…seemed like she would be that way. Proud. Vain.

"I'm not showcasing you, darling," He assured her slickly. I felt my bile rise. 'Darling'? How dare he? _Darling. Darling._ They were talking, still. My thoughts were drifting away. They were talking. Something about members…thirteen verses eight. I dragged my memories away from my consciousness, focusing in on what they were saying.

"—it's difficult to replace Nobodies with power such as yours," Xemnas was telling her.

"Powerful?" I heard myself scoff before I'd really thought about it. Damn. Now I had to play it out. "She looks like she could beat a level one heartless. Maybe. If she had help."

She glared at me, stepping forward again, all hesitation gone, replaced entirely by aggression. "You have a problem?" She waved off Xemnas's motion to ignore me. Pwned, Xemmie.

"Yeah, Razer. I do." I pushed off the wall, stepping forward with a bit of my own aggression.

"Rah-zay." She corrected me, coolly.

"Whatever. It's bullshit that you're in the Organization!" I told her, sincerely angry. She had no business here. "I mean. I'm worried." I gave her my most concerned, sympathetic look. "You might, you know, break a nail or something."

"One of yours?" She replied, without missing a beat. Ouch.

"You bitch!" I jumped forward again, angrier now than ever. "What makes you think you're—"

Xigbar was the one who attempted to save me, sly old bastard. "Down boy." He grabbed my shoulder, jerking me off-balance. "Leave her alone." He advised in a stage-whisper.

"I don't mind," Raxet seemed completely non-pulsed. "I'll duel him, if he wants. Unless," She looked at me, blinking her eyes like a vixen, "Unless you really are worried about your nails?"

"It's ON, whore," I glared. Not at her, directly. I couldn't bring myself to meet her brutal eyes. So I sort of glared over her right shoulder, in the general direction of Xemnas. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. He motioned for the others to draw back, give us space. A white circle appeared on the floor to create an arena.

I summoned my chakram, lighting them as I waited for her to attack. She stood at her ease, stretching a long whip between her gloved hands.

"Are you just gonna stand there all day?" I taunted. "I thought you weren't afraid of me!"

"I'm not," She smiled sweetly. I tilted my head, confused at her sudden change of disposition. In a moment, it was explained. Chilly mist surrounded us, obscuring my view and making it difficult for me to breathe.

"Hey…" I complained, "This isn't very fair, Razer." I swung lightly, hoping to hit her out of luck. I never had much luck. I felt her whip, suddenly tight across my throat, cutting off some of my air.

"Sorry," She whispered in my ear. Her breath was frigid, and I swore that it gave me frostbite. "But you should have set some rules if you wanted to play 'fair'. Don't be such a baby." She slid the whip sharply, the tip of it slicing my cheek shallowly. Abruptly, she was in front of me again.

I laughed, feigning confidence. "I can beat you without rules." I swung at her with both my chakram. She had no way of blocking, that I could see. Her only powers seemed to be in making freezing air and her only weapon that silly little whip. She slapped at my left hand with the whip, wrapping it around the chakram and jerking it tight, pulling me off balance. I smirked, thinking that now there was no way at all for her to dodge, and swung down hard with my right chakram.

The sudden contact it made with her sword caused pain to shoot all the way up my arm. Where the hell had that come from? I didn't bother to ask, glancing to see if it was something to be overly concerned about. I only saw a plain, run of the mill scimitar. I cleared my throat, aware that she could have easily used that to hurt me quite a lot before, because I hadn't known of its existence.

"Dammit," I swore, lightly.

"We seem to have reached a stalemate," She noted casually, ignoring my curse.

We had, though. We were locked together, our arms extended almost as far as they could go, keeping motion to a minimum. Her body was pressed against me, and I could feel the chill of her skin even through two sets of uniforms.

I grinned down at her, our faces almost touching. "Well, well, Razzy. I didn't think you were this kind of girl," I pulled my right chakram free of her sword and lightly poked her in the stomach, pushing her away from me a fraction of an inch. Then I pulled it back, prepared to land a real hit.

"Hold." She said. I jerked to a stop right before making contact with her shoulder.

"Hold?"

"Your point." She told me, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I lose." She unwrapped her whip and stepped back. I recovered quickly.

"Er…" I coughed, "Yeah well, I told you you were no good! Even for Thirteenth, you're pathetic!"

"Shut up, Axel," Xemnas stepped back into the general area. I shot daggers at him with my eyes. "She's as good—she's BETTER than Roxas, and you know it."

I thought that was absurd. Roxas could pwn Xemnas's ass repeatedly. "No one's better than Roxas!" Well…somebody had to stick up for that stupid kid.

"Do not make his treachery your own," I recognized that tone, that look. He was warning me about more things than one. I backed down. Now was not the time. Not yet.

"As if," I muttered. "Roxas…that punk was a fool." I coughed. "Whatever. Let the chick stay."

"Oh good." Yeah. Sarcasm's great, isn't it? "I'm so glad I have your approval," She beamed almost cheerfully at me—it just hit me the wrong way because insincerity was dripping out of the corners of her lips.

"Shut up," I told her.

My reward for being a jerk the first day of her arrival? Xemnas reminded me of my low position in the ranks and in his favor. I had to give the newb a tour of the castle. Have you ever been there? That damn place is huge.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

**Slipping in and out of time **

"_Alex, you're messing with my files again." I looked up from the giant pile of papers with a bright smile. _

"_Just doing you a favor," I slid the papers into their appropriate slots, closing the cabinet and opening another._

"…_what do you want?"_

"_Nothing," I promised her, all innocence and smiles. I closed the cabinet again, standing up and leaning on top of it, grinning at the young intern. "But you'll owe me a favor later."_

"_What kind of favor?" Her voice implied that she suspected a trick. She walked around behind the desk and set her briefcase down, watching me suspiciously._

"_You could take me out to dinner." I suggested, stepping closer to her and cornering her between my body and her desk. "You know, say, tomorrow night?"_

"_You're horrible," She laughed. "Alright. Tomorrow night. Now get out of my space—I've got a lot of work to do, and you're supposed to be in the lab."_

"This is the main corridor." I waved Raxet through the door. "Follow this hall far enough and you might find the front door." I pointed. "But we're not going that way. Come on."

"_I didn't know you liked Chinese food," She was pleased at my choice of restaurant. I felt warmth bubble up inside me hopefully._

"_I love it," I told her, pulling her pigtail. "Come on, girl. Everyone loves egg rolls." She jerked her hair out of my hand. _

"_Don't do that, Alex…come on, or we'll be out forever. You know my dad doesn't like me to stay out late," She started to walk to the front door. I sprinted to beat her, holding it for her. She met my eyes, her own filled with laughter. Was she making fun of me? I didn't really care. _

"Why all the flowers?" I hardly heard Raxet's question, and it took forever to process. She repeated herself.

"Oh. Um…Marluxia."

"Who?"

"Mar—oh. The guy that owned the castle before we all moved in. He liked flowers."

She traced a marble rose, engraved into a large pillar. I watched her through the corner of my eye. And I could feel Xigbar studying me.

"_I heard you got a promotion." She congratulated me. I had stopped by her desk on my way out of the office. _

"_Yeah. Who told you?" I was surprised. I'd only just found out about it myself._

"_Dyme." My brother. She hadn't looked up yet, her gaze focused on her computer screen. I leaned over the top of it, my braid dangling down and obscuring her view._

"_Alex!" She pushed my head back up. "Please—I want to go home tonight, too."_

"_You work too hard," I complained, leaning on top of the machine. "Harder than you have to."_

"_I can't help it. Half-doing stuff just isn't like me,"_

_I smiled and got off her computer, leaning around it to peck her slyly on the cheek. "That's what I love about you,"_

"More flowers?"

"I told you. He really liked them. Wait until you see the greenhouse."

"You don't say much, do you?" Raxet looked at Xigbar. He grinned and shrugged roguishly.

"Don't let him fool you," I muttered. "He's downright gabby. Like a schoolgirl,"

Xigbar didn't take the bait, though. What was his sudden silence about?

"_Alex!"_

"_What?"_

"_Where are all my things?"_

"_You mean those old photos, nick-knacks and other personal artifacts that served to personalize this area?"_

"_Yes! The ones that I had on my desk!" She was frantic, pulling drawers open left and right, knocking my feet off the desk. "And what are you doing in my chair?"_

"_I moved all your stuff for you,"_

"_Where, Alex? This isn't funny!"_

"_Didn't you hear? You don't work here anymore." She stopped her searching and stared at me, panic still lacing her eyes. It only lasted until she noticed the laughter in mine._

"_What are you talking about, you scoundrel?"_

"_You've been promoted," I grinned, handing her the envelope. "You work in the Memories Department, now."_

"_Gee, I wonder who requested _that_."_

_I innocently examined the ceiling. "I didn't say a thing, babe. I promise." _

"_Really? I don't believe you."_

"_Aren't you happy to be working with me, then?"_

"_As if I don't see you enough as it is. You practically live at my desk." She was excited about it, though. The dimples in her cheeks gave her away. I felt my own grin widen as she laughed while reading the letter. "Oh, Alex, you're wonderful!" _

_The sensation of her arms around my neck and the scent of her shampoo as she hugged me tightly was overpowering. I couldn't do anything but laugh when the chair overbalanced and we tumbled to the tiles._

"Gah!" Raxet jumped back as she rounded a corner and was met by a dusk. I swung my chakram at it in a reflexive action. Raxet had flung herself backwards by instinct, and that pushed her into me. I almost lost my balance trying to steady her. When my flaming weapon returned to me, it sliced neatly through her left pigtail, leaving the ends smoldering. She pushed away from me, angrily. I couldn't tell if she was more upset about the fact that she'd been afraid of something I'd easily dispersed, or about her hair.

I felt bad, of course, but the look on her face…

Well, it was brilliant. I began to laugh. Quietly at first, but then she began to try and talk, and all that happened was her mouth moved, rather like a fish gasping for air. It was too perfect.

She glared at me and shut her mouth, pulling her hand back. I saw the slap coming, but I figured I deserved it. I didn't dodge, and her palm landed right on the laceration left by her whip from our earlier spar. That hurt! I felt water welling up in my eyes, but didn't complain. I was still laughing.

I pushed open the door that would lead us back to the main corridor.

She stepped through haughtily. "You realize," She was collected again, calm and angry and chilly all at once. "This means I'll have to cut it."

"Pigtails look stupid anyway," I told her, practically gasping for breath. I could hear Xigbar snort slightly behind me, and when I glanced back he was straightening his face. "You're just askin' for some inconsiderate jerk to come and yank them," I ignored the painful pang of déjà vu, brushing a hand through my hair.

"At least mine used to look like hair, you bastard," ahh…verbal insults. I made a mental note. Raxet communicates through an angry façade. "Yours look like you got drunk and a mad cosmetologist found you and raped you with a flat iron." …point proven. Had that been really necessary? Well, give her props for creativity. I felt a certain fondness for her originality rising up somewhere in my hidden heart.

"Well, anyway," I disregarded her challenge to engage in a contest of insults, "You've seen the whole godforsaken castle," I summoned a darkness door, chuckling as loudly and raucously as I could, feeling her glare long after the darkness closed behind me.

"_You cut your hair? Why?"_

"_To annoy you," She didn't look at me, in that irritating way she had, immersed far too deeply in her work. "Obviously."_

"_But…I loved your pigtails…"_

"_They get in the way. They're dangerous in a lab—fire hazard. And besides, they looked stupid. Just asking for an inconsiderate jerk like you to pull them, or dip them in hazardous chemicals, or stick them in his mouth—"_

"_Hey! I only did that once!" She giggled, setting her test tubes down and wiping at her eyes._

"_Oh, Alex, you make me laugh," _

"_Well…I guess it doesn't look so bad…" I played with the ends of it. She'd cut it shorter than mine, and the longest bit of it hung almost an inch above her shoulders. She'd used a blue bandanna to hold it back, which made it look almost playful, even though it was obviously a business cut. She really didn't want it in her way here in the lab._

"_Really?" She turned around, searching for real approval. I smiled and nodded._

"_It's just different. I'm used to it already, though." I brushed a stray strand away from her goggles. "It's beautiful." I waited until she smiled at me, as a sort of permissive sign, before I bent down to kiss her briefly. My break was almost over. I had to get back to my job._

"Raxet…" I muttered to myself, and the darkness around me swallowed the name almost before I finished speaking it. I sighed, bringing my hand to my forehead. I had a headache. "So many memories. This complicates things a lot," I was glad of the darkness around me, eating my admissions. These were thoughts I should never speak aloud, alone or otherwise. "What the hell is Xemnas up to? This…nnn…I have time." I wanted to go to Radiant Gardens. If Raxet was here, I had to know what was happening there. What was going on back home. Raxet…

Raxet…what happened to turn you into this? And where in the connected worlds did you learn to swear like that?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

Memory Lane

"_Alex? What—"_

"_Merry Christmas!" She gasped in delight, her hands leaping to cover her mouth before reaching out to take the wiggling parcel._

"_Alex! He's adorable…but—" She didn't get to finish, at first, because the puppy was desperately trying to get at her face with his huge wet tongue. I laughed and ruffled its ears. She pulled it into her lap so she could look up at me, "What am I going to do with a dog?"_

"_Love it, I hope," I settled down on the couch next to her, reclining in the comfort of her joy, wondering how long it would take her to discover—_

"_Alex? Why is he holding a diamond necklace?"_

"_Because he loves you already," I winked at her, "He insisted he bring you a present, too." _

"_That was very sweet of him," She closed the distance between us, hugging me with her free arm and keeping the puppy still with the other. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, returning the embrace. I leaned down to kiss her hair, but ended up getting her nose when she looked up. We both dissolved into laughter. _

_I can almost recall the warmth that bubbled up in my chest, that inescapable, indescribable emotion._

Radiant Gardens was in a sorry state of disrepair. I'd heard Xemnas mention once that the name had been changed to Hollow Bastion. Looking around, I decided that it was much more fitting this way. The place was depressing and bleak.

I was careful to keep to the alleys and shadows as I picked my way around the piles of rubble. I didn't want to be seen.

"_Well?"_

"_I…wow…I can't…wow…" I stared around, mouth agape._

"_Do you like it?"_

"_Yeah, but…can we afford it?"_

"_Daddy's already made the first payment!" She bounced, holding my hand tightly, her excitement spilling over almost unbearably. "We can move in anytime!"_

_Tutu barked, jealous of being left out of out embrace. She laughed and let go, bending down to stroke his forehead. I took in the home before me, still slightly overcome._

"_So…it's really happening?" I heard myself ask, my voice shaking. She looked up from teasing Tutu, moving to wrap herself around my arm, intertwining our fingers and laying her head on my shoulder. _

"_Yes, Alex. It's really happening."_

There. That house. I hadn't meant to come here. Well, that was a lie. I hadn't meant…I don't know what I meant. I was moving without thought. Of course, you do that a lot when you're a Nobody, I'd noticed. You just…exist. It's hard to make connections between your mind and your body.

I slipped in silently, still stealthy. It would be so hard to explain what I was doing here. Especially to her.

"_Merciful gods…" she groaned._

"_Are you sure you don't want to call in sick today?" I asked, concerned. I was braiding my hair, and in the bathroom behind me, I could hear her retching. _

"_I'm…not sick," Her voice was shaky. I heard the toilet flush. _

"_Funny, it sure sounds that way to me," I finished tying the holder, and went to push the bathroom door open. She was spitting in the sink, having just rinsed her mouth out. _

"_Alex…I'm not sick." She looked back at me, searching my face for comprehension. _

"_Look, I know you're a workaholic, but seriously, taking one day off won't kill you."_

_She sighed, laughing. I didn't get it, still. She gave me about thirty seconds to figure it out, and when I didn't, she laughed all the louder. How she could laugh so soon after hurling was beyond me. She hugged me quite suddenly. I was totally unprepared for it and backpedaled as I tried to regain my balance. It failed; we fell in a tangled heap onto the bed. _

"_Alex, I'm pregnant." She whispered in my ear, biting it. I pinched her, rolling away when she squealed. _

"_Wait…" So it took me a second to process the information. "Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on." She sat up, watching me patiently. Actually, she was probably counting, watching the cogs turn behind my emerald eyes. "Wait." I said again, "Did you say…you're…"_

"_Pregnant." She finished for me, drawing the syllables out slowly. "I'm pregnant."_

_I may have blacked out._

I knew as soon as I stepped inside that my suspicions were correct. I was almost glad I didn't have a heart, because it would have shattered. The house was too quiet, too dark, too still. A mother and her child and their pet didn't live here. There was no disorder to the cabinets, no toys scattered on the rug. There were a few crayon sketches taped to the fridge, I noticed as I passed through the shadows in the kitchen, but they were faded—they had been there for a long, long time.

Still, I studied them.

They were clumsy and awkward, difficult to decipher, busy and full of color. I felt a sad smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. In each picture, there were two slightly humanoid figures. In some, there was a third, but I was sure that figure was Tutu.

Of course…how could I expect the child to include in her photos a man that the child probably hadn't even discovered existed?

"M-Mommy?" I heard the front door open, and drew further into the shadows. I wasn't afraid, exactly. I don't have that capability. Fear isn't what I would have felt then, even if I could. I think the word is apprehension. "Mommy…" There was a scuffle as a large dog pushed into the house, his claws clicking on the wooden floor. "B-bad T-T-Toot-toot! Toot-toot!" The voice was that of a toddler, formed with difficulty, as if speaking around cotton. And that stutter. I remembered that, certainly.

The child hurried past my hiding place. I studied her. She was tiny, though walking and running admirably. She seemed healthy. Her hair was a strawberry blonde, and curled in wild ringlets around her ears.

"Erin?" Another voice. Not an adult, though. A teenager. I recognized her, though she had been much younger the last time we'd met.

"Shhh, Y-yoof." Erin stopped, turning to blow past her index finger at Yuffie. "M-mommy's s-s-sweepin' an' sick!"

I followed them into the master bedroom, feeling my chest pang. Again, I was almost grateful that I have no heart. This sight would have killed me.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

Emotionless Observation

The bed was the same. The sheets were the same. The over-fluffed goose-down pillows were the same. The woman...She had changed.

Her face was pale and wane, her hair neatly combed and pulled away from her forehead. Yuffie brushed at a stray bang, placing a damp cloth over the invalid's fevered brow. The blankets were tugged up to the woman's chin, but I could tell that she was too thin.

Tutu carefully climbed up on the bed, getting as close to the woman as he could without forcing the bed to shift. He laid his head on her middle, watching her face with huge, hopeful eyes.

I could have told him it was hopeless. But then, I can't remember hope.

"Mommy," Erin also climbed up on the bed, struggling because of the parcel in her hands. Yuffie made as to help, but Erin snapped, "N-no!" and finished clamoring up on her own, settling next to the woman's shoulder. "W-wook Mommy," Erin displayed her parcel proudly. It was a small play dough figurine. "I m-made a w-wittle you. A-all bet-t-ter." Every time the child stuttered, I felt a pang where my heart should have been. And the need in her eyes was unbearable. Poor kid. All alone in the world. Daddy gone first, Mommy slowly leaving…At least she had Tutu. And it was obvious that there were people taking care of her.

I should have felt sorrow. I berated myself. I should be crying. This sight should wrench my guts left and right and make me want to sob. But I was just watching, detached, a silent and unfeeling shadow.

It was good that I was a shadow.

It was fitting.

But it didn't make me feel better.

Erin leaned over, setting the play dough figure on the nightstand. She didn't appear overly upset that her mommy hadn't responded. Tough kid. Was I feeling pride now? I could remember that emotion, easily. Erin kissed her mommy's cheek and then pulled Tutu's ear.

"T-toot-toot," She told him, authoritatively. "W-wet's go. Weew b-be back, m-mommy. D-don't be s-sad." She promised, brushing her small, chubby hand across her mommy's cheek. Yuffie picked her up, and she allowed herself to be carried from the room, sucking on her hand. She laid her head quietly on Yuffie's shoulder, closing her eyes without a murmur. Tutu followed. He was obviously dejected, his massive head hanging and his tail dragging behind him as he padded out the door, Yuffie closing it behind her. I heard the key turn in the lock.

I counted to five-hundred before I moved. I slipped to the bedside, looking down at the woman.

"Tera…I'm sorry…" I adjusted the cloth on her head, my gloved hand stark against her too-pale skin. "I should have paid more attention. I should have been here to protect you. I had no idea he'd do something this drastic…" Now I was crying. Perhaps I wasn't inhuman after all.

"HEY!" My hood protected my face, but such salvation would be my undoing. The uniform of the Organization is very recognizable. I turned to see who had discovered me. Cloud.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, reaching for his sword.

"Not in here," I told him. "You'll break something, and that would make her sad." I held my hands up, "Besides, I'm leaving. Guard her well, Cloud. Tell Leon, or whoever's in charge. She's in a very delicate state right now, and needs lots of care. She won't get better if you just leave her here and tend to the fever. Someone has to put back her missing piece."

"Who are you?" He squinted, trying to peer past the shadows of my hood. "What are you doing here?"

"That's a secret," My voice sounded cocky, too-sure of myself. Well, there were benefits to having no fear glands, I supposed. I wasn't certain of how things were going, but then again, I wasn't uncertain either. He stepped forward, perhaps to grab me and make me tell him everything I knew.

I couldn't let that happen. I opened a darkness portal in the wood beneath my feet, falling instantly through.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

**Midnight Musings**

"Axel?" Naminé sat up quickly, pulling her sheets around her.

"Sorry," I turned away, staring at the art on the walls. "What are you doing in bed so early?"

"I had a headache. Xemnas threw me into a dresser."

"WHAT?" I couldn't help it; I turned to stare. "Xemmie did what?"

"Raxet—she had a seizure of a sort. She started to Fade." She let the sheets fall-she was wearing a t-shirt, so I didn't have to be concerned, as I had first thought. "And I told her just to let it run, because she'd be whole. It made Xemnas angry," She explained to me, spreading her hands, as if begging me to agree with her.

"…I bet it did," Xemnas couldn't have Tera becoming a whole person again, especially because now Raxet had seen him. If those two combined…Tera had been a very bright girl. She'd have made connections that Raxet would never be able to make without her memories.

"…What are you thinking, Dancing Flames?"

"You make me sound like a Cherokee." I smiled at her. "I was thinking that Xemnas would hate it very much if his new pet Faded."

"Pet?"

"She's just another one of his scientific projects. Don't tell her I told you that, though. With her short fuse…well…" I shrugged helplessly. Lying was so easy. I knew that, heart and emotions or not, I wouldn't be able to stand watching Raxet learn what may have happened. I wasn't sure, still.

I didn't know what Xemnas was planning, holding_ her _nobody hostage. Oh, I could guess, but…

A nobody has to be sure.

"…really? I think you're telling me stories to sooth my curiosity." I made a face.

"Not fair, reading memories."

"Sorry." She smiled, obviously not the least apologetic.

"Anyway…what happened with Raxet? A seizure?"

"She just collapsed. She had head and chest pains, and she couldn't remember who she was or where she was."

I thought about that.

"How long ago?"

"Ah….two, three hours?"

I had been watching Erin display the present.

"…Yeah, that's about right," So her memories may be locked away, but Tera hadn't given up. That was heartening. Or at least, I thought it might be. If I'd had a heart to hearten.

"What do you know?"

"It's a secret," I winked. "But…well, I can't say. Still, can I ask a favor?"

"Depends on what it is. I'm horribly busy these days, working behind the Organization's back and undermining Xemnas's dastardly plots. But then, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you."

"Not so loud," I hissed. "I don't trust these walls at all—you know how cheep Marluxia was."

"The favor?" She reminded me.

"OH. Oh. Er…if Raxet comes by…help her out, will you? I mean…"

"What is she, this Raxet? Do you really have time to mess with her? If I recall, you were running yourself in circles after Sora and Roxas only yesterday."

"This morning, too, actually," Oh, good. No one had discovered my trip to Twilight Town. Excluding Xigbar. And he wouldn't tell. He had his own agenda, too.

"You side-stepped my question."

"Find out yourself," I told her, shrugging, "You'll enjoy it more that way," I opened a portal. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have lots of honorable and heroic deeds to plan," She laughed as I stepped through. I hadn't thought it was that funny.

My mind was weighing much too heavily.

_Author's Note:_

_BLARG. Sorry for the delay, and for the entirely too short chapter. I know what I'm doing and where I'm going with this. I'm just kind of distracted right now. I'm back on track now, I hope. Should have a steady internet connection soon._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

**An Awkward Plot Twist**

"What do you think of the new girl, Axel?" I was in the courtyard, spinning my chakram back and forth. Practicing, I guess. Demyx's question caught me completely off my guard. So completely that one of my chakram hit me in my gut. I grunted.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I don't know…" I studied him as he stuttered. Was that a blush I detected about his cheeks? I sighed. Demyx…little fool. I could read him as easily as I could read myself. Probably better, considering that I hardly knew myself these days.

"Demyx…you like her? You haven't even talked to her." I laughed. "She seems like a bitch."

"She's not!" He instantly jumped to her defense, then bit his lip in that nervous way he had. "I mean…you were pretty mean to her, too, you know. And she was nervous. What was she supposed to act like?"

"…Trust me." I said. I wondered that I didn't feel angry that he was attracted to her. My mind was telling me I should be more possessive. But really, I had no claim to Raxet, did I? "She's not your type."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't tell? Ice and Water don't mix very well. One of them has to give."

He had been strumming on his Sitar, and now he stopped, examining me as I allowed flames to escape my fingers and crawl along my chakram. I had gone back to throwing them.

"Neither do Fire and Ice." I caught my chakram and allowed them to dissipate, turning as he continued. "Those don't mix well, either. I saw how you looked at her when she came in." I think his words stung more than I'd like to admit. Tera and Alex…they had personalities that complimented each other well. Axel and Raxet…we were polar opposites. Should Tera ever become complete again…would this affect her memories of me? I hastily corrected my thought. Would it affect how she felt about Alex? Would her memories of him be tainted by the actions of Axel?

"She has a nice body." I dismissed his claim of attraction with typical muscle-headed masculinity.

"Pig," He accused.

"Oh, and what about you? I've talked to her at least. You just watched her." He flushed even deeper.

"…but…I feel like there's a connection between us." I felt an old ache rise up in my chest.

"A connection?" I asked, as casually as I could. Why I couldn't just out and tell him about his 'connection' I don't know.

Or maybe I did. I don't think that, at the time, I quite trusted him.

He was a nice kid, but he was a little too naive. He meant well, I knew, but I didn't think that was enough to cause me to put my trust in him. There was too much at stake.

"Yeah. I don't know, it's weird. I have the same sort of connection with you." I looked at him, my eyebrows arched.

"Not like that!" He exclaimed, waving his hands. "But…man…we were brothers, you know? That's gotta mean something, even now."

I brushed my hair back, running my hand through it as I turned away. "Nothing that was is anything, anymore, Demyx. What was is dead, alright? That's your problem," I denounced loudly. "If you can't let go of what you were, you'll never be able to accept what you've become." I looked back at him over my shoulder. "Kid—don't get me wrong. I care about you. But I'm not your brother anymore. You're not my brother. We are Axel and Demyx, two Nobodies. Got it memorized? Nobodies. With no hearts, no 'connections'. Let it go. Forget about Raxet."

"I don't think you mean that," He said, softly. "I don't think you've let your past go. Your memories. That's all we are, Axel. Memories. Maybe you're right—but if you are, you're in the same boat as me. I can tell. You haven't let anything go. You're still in love."

"…I don't believe in love anymore, Demyx. Love is an imaginary thing you tell children about so that you don't destroy their perception of adult life."

"That's awfully depressing," He sighed. "I'm glad I didn't ask you to help me write her this song."

"Song?" I had been about to just leave. But that made me turn around, gape at him. "You're writing her a love song and you haven't even introduced yourself?"

"…I'll get around to that when I've finished the song," He grinned. "Wanna hear what I've got so far?" He didn't wait for me to answer.

"_And I love you so_

_People ask me how_

_How I've lived 'till now_

_I tell them I don't know…"_

"Er….Demyx? It's really good," I told him, "But…"

"I know," He told me. "You don't believe in love."

"That's not it." I replied quickly. "Just…for your own good…when you sing that for her…make sure you really mean every single word of it."

"Don't worry," He grinned. "I do." He shouldered his Sitar. "I'm gonna go finish writing it right now!"

My chest felt as though someone had jabbed a lance right through it. And still, I wasn't angry with Demyx. I felt…lonely, if anything. Regretful.

I shook myself. I needed to be working, thinking. How was I going to get Raxet to consent to Fade back into Tera? As long as Tera's body remained in stasis back in Radiant Gardens…Hollow Bastion…whatever…as long as Tera's body remained in stasis, should Raxet Fade or give in to her memories, Tera would become whole.

I didn't think the answer lay in Raxet, herself, though.

I still didn't know what Xemnas was planning, but I had sufficiently worked up the willpower to go and ask him myself. I pushed a portal open, and stepped back inside the castle.

I could have portal-ed myself right to Xemnas.

I didn't.

I think better when I pace.

And Castle Oblivion is huge. I had lots of steps between the inner courtyard and Xemnas' tower. I planned to think the entire way there, so that when I confronted the sorry son of a bitch I could be sufficiently eloquent about it.

How many different ways are there to say, "I hope you burn in hell, you bastard!"?

_Author's note: Song bite from Don McLean's 'I love you so,' which is a brilliant and beautifully melodious ballad. 3_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

**Staircase Echoes **

I wound my way up the spiral staircase that lead to the room Xemnas had turned into his private office. It was at the top of one of the taller, more distant towers in the castle, and a bugger to find if you didn't have all the corridors memorized.

What was I going to say to him? I still wasn't quite sure. Should I express outrage, or approach with mild curiosity? I wanted to choose the route that would yield to me the most information.

An image of Tera, invalid and bed-ridden, unconscious and unable to respond to her friends and loved ones swam in front of my vision. I bit my lip. I had failed her once. Twice. Too many times to contemplate. Even as a Nobody, I could feel that I had to somehow make it right. I had to restore Tera—even at the cost of Raxet.

"Xemnas!" Speaking of… "Why does it matter?" She was being quite loud. I lounged against the top stair, listening in, because we all know that spying is extremely conducive to good health. "Why is it different because I went with Demyx?" Oh, so the kid had finally broken the ice. I made a face at the unintended mental pun, then rephrased it. So the kid had finally gotten around to speaking to her.

"Don't leave without an escort, from now on, darling. And check in with me, first."

"I'm not helpless!" She snapped at him. I felt a silent cheer rise up inside me. Stick it in his teeth, Raz.

"You're bleeding, darling," He was still calling her 'darling'? _That_ made my stomach complain violently. Maybe I was more possessive than I'd known.

"Let me wrap it for you," He offered, calm, patient. I didn't hear her protest, so I was forced to envision him bandaging her. Don't let him touch you! I wanted to scream. But I didn't. I wouldn't matter if I had, and I knew it. That filth. I felt rage welling inside me. Yes. Definitely a hair more possessive than I'd realized.

"I'm not a child," She hissed at him.

"Please, darling. You're valuable to the Organization," Valuable how? As a ransom? I pondered while Xemnas continued, "We have to take good care of you," No. Not as a ransom. Xemnas wasn't that blunt. No, whatever her purpose here, it was more conniving, more subtle. More painful, for all involved.

"I can take care of myself," She was not one to be coddled, this Raxet. I chuckled under my breath, feeling rather proud of her.

She busted out of the door quickly, obviously enraged. I jumped aside, pretending to lounge on the rail, as if I had been casually listening, instead of raptly ensnared. She slammed the door behind her, emitting a sound that could be categorized somewhere between a sigh and a groan.

"Now, now, Raz," I reproached her gently, "You shouldn't slam the boss' door like that. Even if he _does_ try to molest you."

"What are you doing here?" She snapped. "And he couldn't if he tried."

I didn't answer her question, but continued with my original thought. "Gotta suck, though. Not being allowed to leave without checking in with your Sugar Daddy, I mean, Razer. Bad enough being a Nobody…but being a prisoner, too?" She swung at me suddenly. I might not have caught it in time, but the motion of a black ribbon, which was wrapped around her knuckles and stained dark in places where she had bled through, attracted my attention to the corner of my eye.

I caught her fist, which threw her off balance. I caught her elbow before she fell down the stairs, and steadied her. She didn't appreciate it.

"Bastard," She hissed at me, jerking her arm away and standing on her own.

I didn't let that get too far under my skin. "I just call 'em like I see 'em, Raz. It's lame. He's an ass." I reached to open the door, turning my back to her as if I didn't care one way or the other about anything I had just said.

Then I half-turned, before fully twisting the knob. A thought had just occurred to me. "Oh, by the way. Naminé was looking for you." Then, before I lost my nerve, I opened the door and entered, closing it firmly behind me and forcing myself to take my hand from the knob. No turning back now.

"Axel? What do you want; I'm very busy." Xemnas looked up from his desk—papers were stacked so high I almost couldn't see him. I could, however, see the computer behind him, the main screen of which was displaying a picture of the bailey from Radiant Gardens. My chest throbbed to see it in such disrepair. It seemed to have gotten no better since I'd glanced it when searching for Tera.

"Yeah…" I grunted, "I can see that. I'll make it brief," I promised, taking a deep breath. Then I let it all lose.

"**Why**, you sorry son of a bitch? What is she doing **here**? What do you mean by **this**? And why **now** of all times?" I knew my voice was too loud, too demanding. You don't demand things of Xemnas. You fool, I berated myself, he's going to demote you to a dusk and then have Sora kill you (how's that for cruel irony?).

"Because of **him,**you **fool. **There is no place for a **traitor** among us!" He glared at me, standing and walked around his desk so that we were face to face, eye-ball to eye-ball. "With this stunt, my **friend**, I hope that perhaps I might ensure your **loyalty.** Your skills are essential to our victory, Axel." He continued to glare at me, but I knew the heat of my own gaze was causing him as much discomfort.

"Loyalty? You **bastard**. **You knew**, then! You turned her into a **heartless, **into a **Nobody…**just to get at me?"

"No. Not justto get at you." He was calm, quite suddenly, brushing down the front of his robes, straightening himself and seeming suddenly quite slick. I watched him carefully. Was he about to dusk me? Or was he simply assured of my cooperation, convinced that his declarations had set me so far off my guard that I had no resistance left? "To destroy you. She could have been mine, you know. Tera, I mean."

"**She'll ** _never_ **love you, **you bastard!" I lost my temper then, bringing my fist back to smash his nose. He dodged easily.

"I don't expect her to. She's a Nobody, after all. We don't have any feelings. Love is just a word, to us. But she doesn't have to love me to satisfy me, does she, Axel?"

I felt myself go slack, dropping my fist and my jaw as I stared at him. He laughed, evil oozing out of his every pore.

I proved to myself then that Nobodies can feel. At least, we can hate. I hated him so much in that moment that I'm surprised he didn't just keel over dead. I wish he had.

He continued to laugh. "And you realize, it's not just you it will break. That fool. Diz, he's calling himself these days. You know what it'll do to him."

"You sorry bastard!" I breathed, my mind awhirl with horror.

He had ruined Tera's life…had jeopardized the life of her child…an innocent toddler…just for sex? Well, no. Not just for the sex. Not for the sex at all, but for what that sex would do to me, would do to Diz.

I understood now. By taking Tera and possessing Raxet, he intended to break down the enemy's mental defenses. To weaken them in that manner. That, and he wanted to put me in my place, once and for all.

And I couldn't see anything that I could do about it. Telling Raxet to stay away from Xemnas might work, but then again, she was a contrary person. She might just go and lay him simply because I'd told her not to. Maybe…

"You need time alone with your thoughts, I can see." I heard a darkness door open behind me, and before I could turn to see, he had pushed me roughly though. "Do stay out of trouble, Axel." He laughed as I fell through, crashing painfully to the floor at the bottom of the staircase that descended from his doorway.

"GOD DAMN IT!" I exclaimed, slamming my fist into the marble tile.

I hoped that Naminé had something really, really good to tell Raxet.

Raxet hadn't seemed too keen on Xemnas. I felt hope bubbling in my chest. It burst when I realized that she was, however, keen on Demyx. A minute ago, that hadn't mattered. Now it was a thought of horror.

I had to get Raxet to become Tera again. If Diz went crazy with anger or grief or whatever it was…if Diz went crazy, then Sora was doomed. If Sora was doomed to failure, then that meant Xemnas was doomed to victory. I knew that I couldn't live with that.

I pulled myself to my feet stiffly, staring up hallway that led to Xemnas's chambers.

I blinked, noticing something odd. The stairs were all glittery from ice.

A ramp of ice?

…it didn't take much to figure out what it was from.

I felt that hope-bubble expand again. Raxet obviously had a decent and strong personality of her own.

What more could I expect from Tera's Nobody? Maybe things weren't as bleak as they had just seemed.

_Author's note:_

_Wow I'm getting all addicted to these little 'author's note' thingies, (laugh out loud). Anyway, finally a chapter of decent length. I like them to be about fifteen hundred words. Lately most of them have been falling short. I'm all excited—we're finally getting into what I consider the real meat of the story._

_Oh. Someone sent me an email saying that they really liked the flashbacks. And a friend of mine suggested that I include more of them even though I sort of considered myself past the memory lane stuff. Thoughts?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

**Calm Waves of Understanding**

When my ass stopped stinging from where it had met the marble, I was able to further appreciate my own cleverness. Not that I think of myself as indestructible, but there is a certain mastery about my existence, something that is me and me alone, and has nothing to do with Alex. It was a point of pride, I guess. I make a decent thief as well a spy (_yes. Listening at keyholes counts as decent spying.)_—two fields Alex had never practiced in, as far as I could tell from his memories.

I slid a stack of papers about an inch thick out of my left sleeve. Xemnas' notes—the ones he'd been working on when I came in. I began to flip through them as I walked, hoping to find a real trove. Scribbled formulas, maybe. Some idea of what he was planning. Aside from the whole "destroy Diz's mind" ploy. What would he do once he'd attained Kingdom Hearts?

Some of the other Organization members actually believed he'd use it to make all Nobodies whole. Please. I almost laughed out loud at the thought—cruel, ironic laughter. Xemnas didn't give two munny what happened to us.

As I flipped through the papers I discovered that most of it was incoherent, useless. Some of it I recognized from Alex's memories as formulas that dealt with Memories and their power. Others I knew had to do with tying together the pieces of an entity.

I found one sheet that was interesting to me. It was mostly diagrams, and I've never been good at reading those. However, I could see that the purpose of this printout had been tracking Roxas. It wasn't current information, but understanding it—understanding how Roxas and Sora had successfully rejoined—could be important. Especially to Naminé, who had a good chance of becoming whole again.

And to Tera.

I folded the sheet up and slid it in my sleeve before starting to flip back through the other pages, in case I'd missed something. I nearly tripped over the bottom stair as I began my ascent. I'd been walking by instinct—not really paying attention to the route back to my room.

As I climbed noises came to me from the common-room, which was where this staircase led. Scuffles, and grunts. Muted words. I could hear a woman's voice. Well, there was only one woman in this castle—Naminé's voice had yet to change.

"Raz?" I asked curiously, as I turned into view. Damn spiral staircases. "What're you—" She and I both swore as we made eye contact.

I was swearing because, leaning on her right shoulder , weak, blue and bloody, was Demyx. I dropped the papers in my hand, and they scattered instantly. I didn't bother fetching them—they were useless to me.

I don't know why she swore. Probably because she hated me.

I rushed forward. Demyx was clutching his sitar, hugging it tight to his chest. I pulled it away from him, but making sure to set it down gently. I ducked under his left arm, taking most of his weight off of Raxet.

"Shit, Raz!" I hissed at her, sounding angrier than I was. It sounded as if I was blaming her. "What did he do that you had to beat him up so bad? I told you to lay off her, man."

"Raxet." She gritted her teeth as she rejected my affectionate pet name. "And nothing!" I raised my eyebrows at her. "I mean…damn you! I didn't do it! Sora did!"

At that, genuine surprise took my face.

"You let that kid get at you, Demmy?" See, Razzy-poo? I don't just assign girls nick-names! Everyone gets them! Maybe I'm just too lazy to say the whole word. I watched Demyx's face carefully. He didn't respond at all; he'd closed his eyes. I could feel him tremble, and his breath was ragged and harsh. I thought he was about to just pass out, and made to scoop him up and just carry him up myself, but then he took a deep breath, attempting to talk.

"I think…he's gotten better…since…" since he left, Demyx? I stumbled over the stair, thinking of how skilled Roxas had been when we'd last dueled. I still had the scar. My clumsiness jogged Demyx, who choked over the last words in his sentence.

"Ow…" He grunted reproachfully at me. I got the message. If I was going to be here, I should be helpful, not hurtful.

"Sorry, man," I offered, tilting my head to tell Raxet that we should probably drag him up to bed…drag him as gently as was possible.

It didn't take as much effort as you would expect to get him up the stairs and into bed.

I held the door open for Raxet, following her out. I planned to watch her walk away, then turn around and go back in. I had a lot of questions for Demyx. Like, "So, how's it feel to get the shit beat out of you, and then bleed all over the girl of your dreams, who, by the way, can totally school your ass?" Nah. I'd never say that to him. But I did have other, genuine things to ask him.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Raxet hadn't moved from the doorway, was staring off into the distance, real concern lacing her face.

I studied her for a minute, before nodding. "Yeah. He seemed pretty stable." I reassured her. I crossed my arms behind my head and looked at the ceiling. What was this disturbance in my chest? I didn't like seeing her upset like this.

I reminded myself that there was nothing between Axel and Raxet except shadows of what had been between Alex and Tera. There was no reason for me to think that I was feeling any sort of anything for her. About her. Around her.

I was saved from my discomforting musings by Demyx's summon. Raxet, too, it seemed, was eager to be released from her thoughts. Or maybe she just wanted an excuse to check on Demyx. Whatever the reasons, we nearly killed each other going for the doorknob.

"I…er…" Demyx stared at us as we fell over each other in his doorway. He hid a weak chuckle. "I just wanted my sitar. It has my music in it." His eyes met mine for a brief instant, and I saw the color return to his cheeks.

"I'll get it," I promised. Raxet glared at me. Had we just spoken in unison? "Stop that, bitch," I told her, annoyed.

"You stop, you useless bastard!" How cute. She was warming up to me. That was probably the nicest thing she'd called me upon arriving at the Castle.

We ducked out of the door at the same time, bickering the entire way down the staircase. I knew Demyx wouldn't want her to get a look at the rough drafts of the song he'd been writing. So, like a true friend, I would spare him that embarrassment. I would recover the sitar. Raxet could go color a care-bear or something.

What was she doing? She had both hands on the banister.

"Raz—" I started, alarmed, "Don't—"…too late. She was sliding down, her cheerful whoops flying back up to me as I watched her hair fly about wildly. This staircase, just like all the others in this godforsaken place, spiraled. It was dizzying to watch her go down.

I was not going to slide down the banister. I did, however, have another idea. She had used ice as a ramp to slide down Xemnas' staircase. I couldn't summon an ice ramp, but I had other methods to execute the same madness. I summoned the chakram I usually hold in my right hand, set it on fire, then slid it beneath my feet, rather like a flaming skateboard. I almost caught up to her.

The ride down had made me dizzy, however, and I couldn't get my balance back in time to not crash at the bottom. My face met marble. I'm pretty sure that I nearly broke my nose. It hurt a lot.

Raxet had already picked up the sitar and was about to start back up the stairs.

"I'll take it up for him." I offered, sticking my foot out and kicking her own boots out from under her. "Your room is up _that _staircase." I pointed to the staircase that went in the opposite direction.

What? It was.

She bit staircase (probably a direct result from tripping over my feet) and busted her lip pretty badly. I felt kind of bad about it when I noticed her wiping the blood off her chin. And then she called me a bastard and all my pity went poof-slash-bye-bye.

"That actually hurt!" she sounded so disbelieving. What I couldn't decide was what she couldn't believe. That I had been willing to hurt her? Or that I had been capable? The answer was probably insulting.

"It was meant to, Razzy-poo," I lied, sitting up. I grabbed for the instrument but she wouldn't give it up.

"He asked me to get it!" She protested. Ok, I don't remember him specifically naming her, but I figured it wasn't worth the argument to point that out. So, instead, I told her, accusingly,

"Look, if you go in there alone, he'll die of a hormone rush!" My words did not have the desired affect; she kicked me in the gut, and pulled the sitar out of my hands.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded, angrily.

"It means you turn him on, bitch!" I shouted, not so much at her. I know she took it that way, though. I think I'd really been yelling at Demyx. How inconsiderate of me. Anyway, I was pretty mad that she'd stuck her foot in my stomach, so I did a rolling kick that was aimed about the same way, only this time at her gut and not mine. I did not expect her to dodge. When she did, I couldn't stop my foot.

Do you have any idea how much it hurts to have your toes solidly connect with solid marble?

To top it off, the stupid thing fell over and broke into a bunch of tiny little pieces.

"Shit…" I swore, staring at the ruins of what had been an extremely useless and yet beautifully ornamental pedestal. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and noticed Raxet was totally distracted by the shattered column. I took advantage and grabbed the sitar, sprinting up the staircase. "Look what you did!" I yelled back down at her.

"Bastard!" She screamed back, infuriated. Not that I blame her. That really had been my fault. I expected to feel a freezing presence at my back any minute, but she didn't follow me, much to my surprise. Halfway up, I stopped and leaned over the banister, to see where she was. Still in the foyer, standing with arms crossed and hip jutted out. I smirked, recognizing that posture. She was talking to someone, and whoever it was had her confused and annoyed.

Well, if she wasn't following, there was no reason to take the stairs. I pushed a darkness door open and stepped through, into Demyx's room.

"What took so long?" He sat up, reaching for the instrument. I handed him the sitar, sliding into a chair, drawing it up to the bed.

"Nothing. Took the scenic route."

"Through darkness?" He flipped open the hatch in the side where he kept his music. "You didn't steal anything, I see."

"Not from you," I grinned, "But Raxet's missing her munny-purse."

"Disgusting," He laughed, blood flecking his lips. "Dang…"

"Sora really did a job on you," I sympathized. "Is he really that strong?"

"He's amazing." He pulled out a sheet of paper, staring hard at it. Neither of us said anything for about a minute, and then he asked, softly, "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"What do you mean?" I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Well, I probably could have guessed, but it was so much more comfortable to lie to myself.

"About Tera. About Raxet. You could have said, you know."

"When did you figure it out?" How did you figure it out, was what I wanted to ask.

"Naminé gave me some hints, but when she challenged me to a duel…I got a real look at her. Not at her body, not like that, but at _her_. They look a lot alike, you know. They have the same eyes…" He trailed off.

"Yeah." I stared at the floor, my voice soft.

"If you had told me, I would have respected that." I looked up, slightly confused. What, now that he knew, he wasn't going to respect that? And what was that? "I still will," He promised, hastily, "But why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not easy, Demyx." My head sank back into my hands.

"I can imagine not." He sighed as he propped his sitar next to his bed. "I thought that Xehanort had given up on her."

"No. It was just another hatred that he hid away, another fuel for his Nobody," I said bitterly. "Another grudge against Diz."

"I want to help, Axel." I looked up. Was he crying?

"Demyx…" My voice was soft, hesitant. I didn't know what to say.

"Hey, I may not be your brother, but I still care about you." He reached out, handing me the sheet. "I finished the song. But…it turns out…I misread the connections."

I looked down at the paper he had given me, reading the lyrics he had written with Raxet in mind.

_And I love you so,  
The people ask me how,  
How I've lived till now  
I tell them I don't know _

_I guess they'll understand  
How lonely life has been  
But life began again  
The day you took my hand _

_And yes I know how lonely life can be  
The shadows follow me  
And the night won't set me free  
But I don't let the evening bring me down  
Now that you're around me _

_And you love me too  
Your thoughts are just for me  
You set my spirit free  
I'm happy that you do _

_The book of life is brief  
And once the page is read  
All but love is dead  
This is my belief_

"Demyx..." I could hardly find my voice. "Demyx...this song..."

"I didn't finish it until afterwords," He said, inturrupting me. "I finished it after I knew who she was. And it means more now, I think. I wrote it because...it's what I think you would tell her. If you had the guts."

"...the guts?"

"You're a coward, Axel," He laughed kindly. "You'll die for what you're doing--you know that, right? Xemnas will kill you when he finds out. You think that's what bravery is. But you're not brave. You can't tell her who she is, and you lie to yourself about why. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. You love her, you fool."

"I don't. I don't love anyone. I'm doing Alex a favor, since he can't be here to do it himself." I stood up, crumpling the song. "I'm sorry, Demyx. You misread the signs while you were mistaking the connections. I'm a nobody. We can't love."

_Author's note:_ _That's the entire song-- "And I Love You So" By Don McLean.  
__It's a beautiful song. I think I've mentioned that. It's mostly woodwinds (mainly flutes) in the version I prefer.  
The string version sounds to...I don't know, I just don't think it's as pretty. I'm sure Demyx could make it sound beautiful, though._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine:

Surrender

I didn't talk to Demyx again. Ever. When I crumpled the song, I stood abruptly and left. I don't know if I was angry or scared, but it was enough to cause me to make decisions I sincerely regret.

I made myself scarce around Castle Oblivion for a while. I dove in and out of the worlds, watching the signs Sora left as he cleaved his way through them, examining the trail of destructive light that followed his keyblade.

His progress was encouraging—he was a good kid. In fact, I was in pretty good spirits most of the time I followed him.

And then he made his way to Hollow Bastion.

He'd been there before, recently. I watched from the shadows as Leon and Aerith greeted him, their tired smiles nonetheless heartfelt.

Even this wouldn't have been so bad.

But then Yuffie came out to greet him, and clinging to her hand was a tiny little girl.

I slid back into the darkness, back to the world I belonged in. Broodingly, I began to pace the corridors of Castle Oblivion. I couldn't see anything around me, because my vision was dominated by the image of that child, her long strawberry hair tied away from her face in beautiful curly pigtails.

What would Alex have thought?

What was Axel thinking?

I couldn't tell.

But as I was trying to figure it out, my face was suddenly re-introduced to marble. My instant reaction was to swear, scramble up, and dust off. Then I refocused my blurry vision to see why the hell I was eating floor again.

"Raz? Damnit, bitch! What the hell are you doing?" I hadn't done anything to her! Unless she'd been waiting this long to get me back for that whole thing about the sitar. But that had been forever ago!

…if that was it…damn could that woman hold a grudge. I was mildly impressed.

"I challenge you," She snapped. I stopped smoothing my clothes and gaped at her.

"You what?"

Several hours later, we stood in the sands of Agrabah, sweaty and tired and bloody.

Why had I accepted this challenge? I didn't know. I was close to hitting my breaking point, and I could tell that she was, too.

"If this keeps up…" I panted, "We'll…Fade…"

"I…don't care," She snapped. "I'm going to prove…" Prove what? She didn't finish her sentence. I HATE when people do that!

What I hate even more is when I get distracted by people talking, and they use that against me. It's really unfair.

When her ice flow took my feet out from under me, I didn't get back up right away.

"Say it,"

Admit defeat? Never.

"Say it."

I could get up suddenly. I could swing my chakram at her, and not only would I win, but she would Fade. That little girl back in Hollow Bastion would have a mommy again.

That's what Alex would want.

He'd want his wife to be whole.

He'd want his daughter to have a mother.

But I didn't want that.

No, that's not right. I bit my lip as I thought.

"Say it,"

It wasn't that I didn't want what Alex would want.

But I wanted something else, too.

Raxet. She was amazing; brave and determined and innocent. She had no idea what was going on, and yet she was still determined to be a part of everything. I had to respect that. She wouldn't be left out of this story. She refused.

I could get up and kill her. Raxet would Fade from everything but the memories of a Nobody. And Tera would be whole. Raxet would be Nothing.

I could do it.

I could.

I sat up, reaching for one of my fallen chakram. She watched me. Stepped forward.

"Say it."

I continued to bite my lip. My hand closed around the edge of my weapon.

"…I give," I said, softly. "Damn you." I sighed, feeling something cave inside.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter ten:**

**Defining Moments**

I could have lain in the sand forever. The heat of it seeped into my core, and it was soothing like you wouldn't believe. Of course, as luck would have it, I didn't get to lay there forever. Hardly for five minutes, even. I had hardly regained my breath, was still reeling mentally, and I could hear the clatter of Heartless materializing en masse.

I groaned, annoyed, as I sat up, reaching to grab my chakram. "C'mon Raz," I muttered across the sands to her, "Duty calls," I jumped stiffly to my feet, taking out a group of Heartless with one pass of my chakram. I didn't hear her move.

"Raz?" I glanced at her, trying to keep the greater amount of my focus on the Heartless. She was trying to stand, to her credit, but I could see her arms shaking as she pushed herself up, using her swords as bracers on either side of her. She was in no state to fight, and I was in no state to protect her.

"Here," I grunted, pushing a darkness door open between us, disabling one of my chakram. I couldn't hold this long and still fight off Heartless. "Go back and tell Xemmie…Xemnas…that…" I grunted as I swung at an adventurous Heartless, one that didn't seem intimidated by my flaming wheels. "That there's still far too many Heartless in Agrabah. That damn kid's being lazy."

"Why just me?" she beat a Shadow Heartless away from me, the creature dissipating away from her blade.

"Just do what you're told!" I snapped, straining to hold the portal open. Another Heartless creeped too close for comfort, and my chakram was in the middle of a flaming arc, not halfway back to me yet. I booted the creature away indignantly.

Why was she still standing here? "No!" she practically screamed at me as I caught my chakram.

"Look!" I was getting impatient, "If something happens to you—" I broke off. If something happened to her…what? I'd be sad? She'd be whole. So I'd be happy?

Wait. Those are emotions.

I can't be happy. I can't be sad.

I can barely _be_.

If nothing else, I was certainly confused.

"If something happened to you, Xemnas would get pissed at me, that's what!" I screamed at her. I twisted, keeping my hand in the darkness door. This caused my shoulder to strain a bit, which was painful, which was getting to be redundant, because I hurt all over. I didn't feel like arguing with her anymore.

"Well, he can just fucking deal, can't he?" She glared at ice at me, and I hoped my eyes were burning holes right through her. I was certainly trying.

"Get out of here Raz, before—gah!" I jumped, a Heartless soldier swinging his blade beneath my boots. That could have been really awkward.

"Before what?"

"Before you get—" too late again. She had been so busy expressing her outrage at me that she didn't notice the Heartless behind her raise its club-thing to bash her head in. Luckily, it wasn't a strong blow, but the girl still crumpled. I pulled my hand out of the darkness door to catch her.

"DAMNIT!" I swore as loudly as I could, setting Raxet down on the sands and straddling her. I swung my chakram in wide circles around us, keeping the Heartless at bay. I could never beat them all like this. I'd have to use my pyrotechnics. Did I have the strength? I sincerely hoped so.

I crossed my arms, summoning a huge arc of flame, and sent it flying in a wheel around us. Ow. That took a lot out of me. I slid to the sand next to Raxet, wondering if I was finished.

No, I wasn't. I was just way too close. I wiped the sweat off my face, but I could still feel it dripping off my cheeks like tears. I glanced down at Raxet. She was almost transparent.

"Raxet!" I exclaimed, kneeling by her side. "Raxet! Raxet!" Wait. Why was I calling out to her? It would only serve to call her back. Keep her here. I didn't want that. No. Alex didn't want that. Alex wanted Raxet to die. Axel was a piece of Alex. Axel wanted…I was confused again. I didn't know if I wanted to send her away or not.

By now, it didn't matter.

She was solid again.

"Dammit. You almost Faded, girl." Was I happy now? Sad? Relieved? Apathetic? I couldn't tell. Something was going on. I felt _something_, but was it an emotion? It couldn't be. I was a Nobody.

I slid my hands gently under her, standing stiffly, painfully.

"Little bitch," I muttered, half to her, half to myself. "You're going to ruin everything."

I should never have bothered with her. I was supposed to be helping Sora. But why?

I used to know why I needed to help Sora.

My memories had told me.

My memories of feelings of right and wrong. My memories of honor and truth. My memories of life before this hectic existence. My memories…of life in Radiant Gardens.

But now I couldn't tell if those were my memories or someone else's.

Wait. They were. They were Alex's memories. What did I have, really, that only belonged to me?

Nothing.

Because I was Nobody. A piece.

Why should I make my decisions based on someone else's thoughts? Oh, I still wanted to help Sora. I liked him. I didn't like Xemnas. That, if nothing else, was enough to keep me on the path I walked.

But I had so many questions.

I didn't feel quite so certain about what was happening, or who I was, or even what I was.

I was _feeling _something.

I carried Raxet back to Castle Oblivion. Demyx was sitting on a bench, his wounds still wrapped, blood staining his coat. He had set his sitar next to him, and was strumming the strings distractedly while he scribbled on a sheet of paper. I did not meet his eyes, staring at the wall above his head. (When I said I never talked to him again…I didn't. Not really. This wasn't talking. Not the way we should have. He was my brother. _My brother_, damn it…)

"Axel!"

"Demyx…finish writing that song?" There was anger in my voice. Dripping sarcasm, maybe even hatred. My voice was harsh. Too harsh. But I didn't care.

"…yeah. Just now." He'd really been writing another one? Stupid fool, I thought. Stupid, romantic, brainwashed **fool.** "W…what happened?"

"Don't ask!" I snapped. "Do me a favor," I said that in a rather rude way, such as to suggest something along the lines of 'for once be useful, would you?'

"Go tell Xemnas she's back." I finished my demand.

"He'll kill me if I tell him she's—"

"Then DON'T. Get out of here, man. I'm taking her up to her room." I swung around and stepped through a darkness door before waiting for his reply.

I'd not been in her room since she'd become the occupant.

I was surprised to notice how she'd changed it. There were green curtains, green pillows, a green lampshade. She'd even done some green trim, and splashes of color tastefully filled the room. It wasn't bleak and stark like most of the other white rooms in the Castle. She'd really made it something.

I laid her on the bed, pulling back the covers and gently tucking her in. She sank into the pillows like a kitten and sighed with what I took to be content.

I sighed as well, dragging a chair up to the bed and sinking wearily into it. Why was I still here? I'd done my duty, completed my task. I'd even tucked the ungrateful whelp into bed.

"Stupid whore," I accused, whispering softly. "Stupid, selfish, prideful, pigheaded _whore_," She was going to ruin everything.

Then again, it wasn't entirely her fault. Xemnas had had a big part in this, as well.

Why couldn't he have left them alone?

I couldn't take this.

I couldn't tell who I was from who I'd been, or who I would never become again.

What was this I was feeling? No. A Nobody can't feel. A Nobody is just a piece of Nothing.

But I did feel a dampness sliding down my cheeks.

And I had stopped sweating a long time ago.

"Idiot," I berated. Who was I talking to now? Was I scolding Raxet? Or was that directed at myself?

A sudden impulse.

A sudden need.

Without thinking, I leaned over and pressed my lips against her icy cheek. She had such soft skin, and even though it sent waves of cold through my body, there was something significant about that kiss.

I could feel.

I was a Nobody.

But I felt.

I didn't know what this was.

But I _felt _it.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven:

Problem Solving

"Axel!" I had almost been asleep when he came in. He didn't use a real door—not many of the Organization bothered with that anymore. His voice was loud. I had been right. He was pissed of at me.

"Shut up," I told him, "Keep your voice down, at least!"

"How dare you? You sneak off to God-knows-where and return with her like this? You think I don't know what you were trying to do? You sorry bastard!"

"Yeah well, I don't think I've ruined your little plan yet."

"Shut up and get the hell out of here." He growled at me, "And don't go near her again. Unless you _want_ me to turn you into a Dusk."

I grimaced. That was a serious threat. As a Dusk, I would lose all but the barest minimum of my free will. That…would be horrible, more so than I could imagine. Free will was all I had left, really.

I wiped at my face, knowing how stupid I looked, sitting here crying. What kind of a man cries?

A man who doesn't know what the hell is going on inside his own body.

"Xemnas?" Raxet's weak voice was non-the-less demanding. We both turned to look at her, concerned. Only one of us was pretending.

Xemnas leapt forward, grasping her hands in his. "Raxet! Don't talk, darling. Don't waste your strength." I made a guttural sound somewhere between a groan and a disbelieving snort. "Axel!" He turned viciously to me. "I thought I told you to leave?" His eyes narrowed threateningly. I backed up a step.

"No…" We could barely even hear her; her voice was hardly loud enough to be a whisper. "No, no…no…"

"No?" Xemnas leaned over her. It looked like he was trying to kiss her. My stomach heaved and I had to avert my eyes. "No what?"

"_You_ leave, Xemnas." Nothing weak about that voice. I glanced back, the barest hint of a smile playing around my lips. She was pissed. "If you don't…" She had to pause for breath, choking painfully. "If you don't get out of my room I'll freeze your balls off!" She completed her sentence bitingly, ice accenting every word. "Even if it takes the last of my energy—I don't care. I'll do it, and don't you think I won't!" Oh don't worry, Raz. We were both taking you very seriously.

Xemnas glowered at her—she couldn't see, because she'd pulled away from him, falling back into her pillows and closing her eyes. He raised his gaze to melt me down as I told him,

"You heard the lady, Xemnas. You'd better leave, too." That look told me that I would have to deal with him about this sooner or later.

I hoped much, much later.

He spun on his heel and stepped through the darkness door he created, leaving the room in a bit of a huff. I started to go, as well, making to use the real door.

"Axel?" I stopped in my tracks, half-turning.

"I know," I assured her gently. "I leaving. I want to keep my balls."

"Don't," She whispered. I felt a chill through my gloves and glanced down. She had grabbed my hand, twining her fingers betwixt my own.

I couldn't move for a while; her touch was something unexpected, foreign, and yet completely familiar that froze me in place.

After a while, I sat back down, smiling ruefully. I tightened my grip on her hand, and said, laughingly, "Go to sleep, Raz. You're delirious." If she wasn't, I was.

"Am not, asshole." Well, there you have it. I was delirious.

It didn't take me very long to pass out.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. My head nestled comfortably on her shoulder, the cool of her skin hurting me pleasantly. I was roused by her shifting out from under me, and my head slid from her shoulder onto the mattress. I cracked one eye, watching her with a weary curiosity.

She was in the midst of a seizure. I recognized the symptoms; Roxas had had them frequently, too. She struggled for a moment, opening a darkness door. I felt a twinge of sorrow (I recognized that instantly, though it took me a moment to realize I was actually feeling it, and not just remembering). Having access to the pathways did irrevocable damage to one's soul.

Of course, her portal wasn't very solid. It sort of just jerked her through. I sighed. I should probably follow her, I thought. I was in enough trouble for letting her leave the first time. It wasn't hard to follow her trail through the darkness, and I emerged a moment later in the forest that surrounds the castle of the Beast.

I got there in time to witness the tail-end of her seizure. She was screaming (pretty loudly. Girl had great lungs) and rolling around in the snow with her arms wrapped tightly around her knees as she tried to ward off what I can only imagine was painful.

Tera missed her Nobody badly, it appeared. She was fighting pretty damn hard to get her back.

I felt that sorrow inside me grow twofold. I don't know if this was for Tera or for Raxet, though. They both seemed to be suffering so much…

Raxet stood shakily, her breathing ragged. The seizure had come to an end. Raxet let out a long sigh, leaning against a convenient tree. She looked around her—I ducked behind an evergreen, hoping she didn't see me.

She stalked off into the trees, obviously deep in thought. I, still incessantly curious, followed still.

She was so quiet when she walked, the snow resisting her feet with an extra effort, it seemed, that kept her from leaving footprints or making noise.

I wasn't as popular with the white stuff. I left deep footprints, and when I got too close, she must have heard me. She turned, flinging a snowball. Her aim was great. Dead on, in fact. Right between the eyes. Perfect ten. I brushed it off without complaint.

"Something wrong, Raz?" I tried to keep my voice down. Somewhere on this property was a great, big, dangerous, Beast.

"No. Everything's just peachy!" Ahh…her sarcasm was always so refreshing. She spun on her heel and stomped deeper into the forest. That would have been fine, but the snow was getting deeper. I was practically wading in the stuff to follow. I had to flounder to keep up, and it was extremely undignified.

"You know, if there was something wrong—" You could tell me about it. I don't know why I feel like I should care, but since I do, you could at least recognize my efforts.

"There's not!" She insisted, defensive and angry. I guess I could understand. Since she'd arrived at the castle, she'd not exactly been greeted with warmth and affection. Most of the Organization members just ignored her, and the ones that didn't were condescending. She, being a prideful bitch, probably was fed up with all of us.

That was why she wasn't talking to me, or at least part of it.

Her problem…well, I could only hazard a guess.

"You know, we all lost things along with our hearts" I pondered aloud, scooping up snow and packing a pretty decent snowball, tossing it up in the air once or twice before flinging it at her.

"But you still have memories!" She snapped, the snowball stopping about a quarter of an inch from her nose and dissolving harmlessly.

"Oh, is _that_ your problem? Well, let me tell you something," I began another snowbomb, envisioning myself…envisioning Alex tossing snowballs back and forth with Tera, or perhaps with Erin. She seemed like a bright and cheerful little girl. The kind who would enjoy to build a snowfort. Or maybe just a snowman. It was a vision that made my head throb, and my chest felt as though someone had run me through, and then twisted the blade. "My memories cause me more pain every _day_ than I can imagine that seizure put you through. I wish that it was like that for me. I could just bit my lip and take it, then move on. I won't tell you that you're lucky, but you should forget about the pity party."

Would I be happier without my memories? Probably not. I knew that I would be just like her, searching desperately for them, for anything. But I did know that because I had them, I also had one hell of an identity crisis. I threw my second snowball.

I hit her this time, but the snow didn't stick, and she didn't flinch as it drizzled off of her.

She stared at me for a time, without saying anything. And then she softly replied, "…that doesn't make me feel any better."

I shrugged. I hadn't figured that it would. But I wanted her to know exactly where she really stood, as far as the rest of the Nobodies went. I'm sure that their memories were no better with helping them.

I made another snowball and fired. She stopped that one, and sent it back at me, pegging me in the shoulder.

"Play fair," I whined teasingly, taking aim again. I barely got that snowball off before she said,

"…mmm, don't feel like it," And orchestrated a tsunami of snow, neatly burying me. I struggled to dig myself out, making a face and spitting icy slush. I was almost completely free when another snowball made nice to my nose and then I caught sight of her cloak billowing behind her as she fled, laughing into the forest. I jerked myself out of the snowpit, charging and tackling her. We rolled three or four times before landing in a snowdrift.

"You suck!" She gasped as I made contact, barreling into her. "You've ruined my angst!"

When we'd stopped, I grabbed a handful of snow and shoved it down her front. Why I thought that ice down her shirt would do anything, I don't know. Maybe because it would have made me go AAAAH! COLD!

I'm pretty sure she staged her own reaction, but it was great all the same. I gaped, I admit.

"Y…you squeal?" She slithered away from me, brushing off her front and attempting to regain her dignity.

"No."

"…Yeah, you did," I laughed and tackled her again, her whip sticking me in the gut painfully. I ignored it and began tickling. Her laughter was like wind chimes.

Our moment of carefree bliss was interrupted by my second…no…third favorite person in the entire world.

"AXEL?" Sora exclaimed, totally shell-shocked.

"Sora!" I greeted with a grin, not moving from atop Raxet.

"Who is that, Sora?" The Beast growled low in his furry throat. "What are they doing here?"

"It's Axel," Sora needed to put his eyeballs back in his face. "…he's from the Organization."

"The Organization?" Donald quacked, outraged, "Let's get them!"

Er…I'd rather not be got just now. I laughed it off, saying, "Long time no see, Sora." Sora made a face, bracing his keyblade, " 'Fraid I can't stay to chat, though." I stuck my fist in the snow beneath me and opened a door, tumbling into Darkness with Raxet. Both of us were laughing uncontrollably.

I knew we were heading straight for tiles, though. I'd had enough experience with those to know they weren't as nice as snowballs. I twisted us around so that she was on top of me, instead.

It took us a moment to regain our breath, and then she was panicking.

"My whip! Where--!"

"You had it just a minute ago," I rubbed at my tummy, feeling where the bruise was developing, "It jabbed me in the gut,"

"You must have knocked it off! Asshat!"

"I didn't do it on purpose," I apologized half-way. "Don't worry about it, I'll go—" but she had opened a darkness portal and was already gone. I swore, dusting sludge off my shoulders. I crossed my arms and waited for her. She had ten…five minutes. If she didn't make it back I was going to go and get her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Psuedo-hearts**

Four minutes, thirty-four seconds. I pushed off the wall I was leaning against, putting out my hand to summon a door. I had it almost formed when one sizzled into being to my left. I was familiar with how Raxet's doors liked to work (kind of like a two-way vacuum, hurling her around violently) and jumped to catch her as she flew out. She smashed me into the back wall, which hurt a little, but I didn't say anything about that.

"I was about to come and get you," I tried to control my tone. I didn't want her to think I was worried or anything.

"I don't need you," She hissed vehemently, glancing up to meet my eyes with an angry glare. I jerked away, taken aback. She was crying. Water glittered in her eyes, and her lashes were clumped wetly together from tears. My hands were still holding her steady, but she ripped away, fleeing to the staircase, ascending by taking two stairs at a time. She really wanted to get away.

I stood, staring after her, my hands still extended, feeling the chill of her seeping through my thick clothes. When I heard her door slam, I let my arms fall, massaging my chest with my right hand.

What was this ache?

What was this…_feeling? _

I had to know. I had to pursue this. I had to pursue her. Something was going on. Something was happening to me. To Axel. To a Nobody, a Nothing. But something was happening. And I had to know what it was.

Knowing…

It was almost as important to me as the mission I had placed myself on. I had time. I'd done so much work already, made so many alterations to the worlds, to the paths, to Sora's quest…I had time to pursue a personal project.

Not much.

But enough. I hoped. I had to know.

I pulled myself through a darkness door quietly, accessing the shadows in Raxet's room. I leaned silently against her door, listening to her cry. I listened as long as I could. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. It pained me to see this. It was obvious to me that she was hurting, and not physically. The wounds from the previous day's scuffle were all but healed, and Sora hadn't scratched her.

If this pain wasn't physical, it had to be emotional.

And we were Nobodies.

"So…" I asked, softly, still leaning against the door, well away from the bed, "What'd he say?" She jumped. Hooray. My spy skills are great. I snuck into a woman's sleeping quarters completely undetected. Why was I not elated? Oh, right. Elation is an emotion. And the woman in question was in hysterics. Puts a slight damper on the victory toast, don't you think?

"Go away," She muttered into one of the decorative green pillows she was sobbing into. I watched as she bit her lip, attempting to stifle her cries. I waited a moment before repeating myself.

"What did Sora say to you?"

"I told you to go away,"

Unless she threatened to freeze my balls off, I wasn't leaving. I might not anyway.

"I'm not going to leave until you tell me why you're crying. And then I'm going to kick his ass," Surprisingly, I found that I meant that. As much as I liked the kid and wanted him to succeed, I saw no reason for him to do this. I mean, saving the universe is all well and good, but come on. Where's the courtesy? Even heroes (junior heroes especially—they're still trying to earn their stripes. Rackin' up points and such…) can't just go around making women cry. It was just plain wrong.

"He's just a little boy." How totally female. Defend your aggressor. That doesn't make it any better, girls. Admit it—he hurt you and you want him to pay.

"He's fifteen—old enough to be held responsible for his own actions."

"Leave him alone, Axel," She whispered brokenly, wiping at her nose, "And leave me alone, too." She didn't sound like she meant that, somehow. Her words said 'get the hell away from me,' but her tone said, 'don't leave, please, please don't leave,'

…I chose to ignore her words and heed her tone.

"…I still wanna know what he said," I moved closer to the bed, still a safe distance away in case she went neuter-happy on me.

"It doesn't matter!" She muttered, squeezing the pillow, fiddling with the tassels on the corners. Ok, that was not behavior that hinted she was harboring aggression. I took the final step, leaning over the bed and brushing hair away from her ear as I whispered into it, letting my warm breath bathe her icy exterior.

"…and I'd just gone through so much trouble to cheer you up," It was meant to be funny as well as serious. I'd hoped to make her crack a baby smile, if nothing else. Instead, it made it worse. She started hiccupping.

"I…can't be cheered up…because…I'm…not depressed!" She wept, her sobs growing in volume, "Nobodies don't _have _emotions!"

…valid point…but…

"Oh…" I was at a loss. How do you counter that? My mind told me she was right, but something else…

I don't have anything else…

But something else…

It was telling me that she was very, very wrong.

What made me think…made me say what I did next, I don't know. But it felt right. And I believed it, I find. I didn't know why, then. I still don't. Not quite.

"Oh…That little prick…" I sat down on the edge of the bed, gently setting my hand on her back, half-massaging her shoulders, hoping to provide some comfort. "Raz…we have feelings. If we didn't, we wouldn't exist…we'd have no reason for anything at all. It would be like…like being dead." My words were forming themselves, coming from a part of my consciousness I didn't know that I still had access to. Maybe they weren't my words at all. Maybe they belonged to Alex. But I was grateful for them. "We have hearts, just not in the same way as Sora and the 'normal' people. We have hearts in the form of other people." I scooted closer to her, leaning down and letting the distance between us close entirely. I felt her ice seeping into my being. It wasn't as painful as I would have expected. It was sort of nice, actually. "People that make us feel like we have hearts—it's just as real as having a heart with you all the time, understand?" God I hope she did. I sure didn't.

She half-nodded, sitting up as if she was finally calmed down. I sort-of half-grinned at her, hoping to seem encouraging.

The next thing I knew, she'd practically knocked me over, wrapping herself around my neck, sobbing into my shoulder.

I froze for a moment, startled and unsure of what had happened. Then I did the only thing I could; I wrapped my arms around her, folding her in what I hoped was a secure, supportive embrace, and rocked her back and forth, allowing her to finish her spell in my arms.

When she was able to stop crying, she pulled back a little, but not enough to call for me to let go. I don't think she wanted me to, and I sure as hell wasn't about to if she didn't make me. It felt nice, even if this was only because she was in a state of emotional distress, to be hugged.

She was breathing raggedly, worn out from her cry, "I'm…sorry," she whispered. I studied her, staring into her eyes for a long moment.

"You know, Raz," I realized in a low whisper. Her eyes asked when her mouth did not. I steadied myself with a breath, bracing myself for what I had just discovered, and continued, "Those people, who make us feel like we have hearts? You're one of mine." That's what this was.

I felt whole.

I felt complete.

Like…

Like I had a heart.

And then I couldn't take it anymore. I had to play. I leaned in, biting at her ear gently, tugging at her hair. Hey, she didn't have her pigtails anymore, but when you're this close, she could have been almost bald and I could still have pulled her hair.

And it worked, I guess.

She almost laughed. "Don't—" She shoved at my cheek, forcing me away. I sighed theatrically. "Axel?" She lifted her head, pushing her cheek against mine. I could feel her icy lips form the words, the air whipping past my skin almost cruelly, "If we keep this up…we won't need Xemnas or his stupid Kingdom Hearts, do you think?"

…an interesting theory.

We should definitely 'keep this up' and find out.

Especially since I didn't plan on living to see Xemnas attain Kingdom Hearts.

"I don't know," I told her, honestly. "I think…" I think I have no idea. "I think that I hope that you're right." Because I didn't know.

But…for now, I didn't have to.

What I did know was that I was with Raxet. And while I was with her, I felt whole. It was a nice feeling, even if it was only an illusion.

I also knew that she was playing with my robes, teasing the zipper seductively.

Yeah. We should definitely 'keep this up'.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen:

The Way We Planned

Raxet snuggled into my side, murmuring contentedly in her sleep. I grinned and fluffed her hair lightly, also content. It was a short-lived feeling. My watch beeped and I rolled my sleeve back to examine it. Three AM.

I was late. I sighed, gently pulling away from the sleeping Raxet. I leaned down to kiss her cheek. On my way out, I nearly tripped over the weapons she'd carelessly tossed to the floor. I set them up to spare her a similar fate, and exited through a darkness door.

"You're late," Naminé whispered.

"Sorry." I apologized, handing her a small set of papers. "I couldn't get anything else. There's practically nothing there—he's got all the important things hidden away."

"Have you seen Sora lately?"

"Yeah. Yesterday, actually. He was at Beast's Castle, but I know that he's already opened every pathway. He could be here any day." I watched her face carefully, looking for signs of emotion. I was rewarded by a sad smile.

"That's good. Will you be able to do this?"

"Fetch Kairi? Of course."

"Riku told you what to say?"

"Yeah, yeah. And I remember all of it. You worry too much, Naminé." I tried not to sound tense, but this was a dangerous conversation, and I was nervous.

"…what about Tera? Demyx told me that you took Raxet away the other day. That she almost Faded. What held you back? Can you really afford to be distracted right now?"

I took a seat, massaging my temples, "I'm not distracted."

"She's all you think about."

"…I need her."

"What happened to what you told Demyx? What happened to, 'I'm doing Alex a favor'?"

I wanted to scream. I could barely control my voice as I answered.

"What about Alex? What about Tera? Forget them. What about Axel and Raxet, huh? What about Naminé What about us! Don't we mean anything?"

"Unfortunately, Axel, we don't. We're Nobodies."

"But…"

"I'm sorry," She sighed, "I know it sounds harsh. But you should let Raxet go. While there's still time, get her back to Tera. She'll think no less of you, maybe better,"

"I don't care what Tera thinks of Axel. But Raxet…"

"Axel, Tera and Raxet are just two pieces of one whole—they're as much the same as they are different!"

"Easy for you to say! You'll be Kairi again in a matter of hours! But me, Axel, I'm going to be like this forever! If not, I'll be less!"

She had nothing to say to that, because she knew I was right. I stood suddenly, brushing my anger aside with the dust on my robes. "I'm going," I told her. "I'll bring Kairi to you as soon as I can. Imagine his face, Naminé…when he finds Kairi and Riku here together, waiting for him."

"He'll be very excited, won't he?" She tried to smile at me, but my earlier comments had done nothing but sober her. I felt a little bit bad, but then again, I didn't. It was only fair that she understand that not everyone was coming out of this with a happily ever after.

I pushed a darkness door open, concentrating on a place I had never been to before—The Destiny Islands.

Kairi didn't know me, but I recognized her instantly. She just…fit the role, I guess. She was a lot like Naminé. I fed her the lines, just like I'd promised. She didn't like me, but that was alright.

I didn't feel the need to be liked, or trusted. So long as she came.

"Aw geeze, I feel like we're friends already," I laughed as she stepped towards my portal.

"You're not acting very friendly," She scolded, running through with Pluto. I shrugged, following. Everything was working according to plan. So why didn't I feel at ease?

Probably because this is where everything started to go wrong. Riku wasn't waiting for us on the other side of my door. He wasn't in the agreed meeting spot.

Kairi noticed my distress instantly.

"Axel, what—" I motioned for her to be quiet.

"I don't know. But he's not here…"

"He—"

"Riku."

"Riku's here?" She was being too loud.

"He sent me to find you," I hissed at her, "Be quiet. Something's not right!"

"On the contrary, Axel," A deep voice reverberated off the marble surrounding us. Pluto whined loudly, curling up in a corner and shaking. Kairi flinched back as well. I summoned my Chakram. "I think things are going in just the right direction."

"Saїx!" I braced myself, "What are you—"

"Xemnas got a tip that you'd found a way to make yourself useful. Kidnapping the Keyblade Bearer's girlfriend. Clever, Axel."

"You know what I'm doing."

"Thought I'd give you a chance," He stepped out of the shadows to my left, grinning sadistically. "But if you're going to insist on being noble, I'll have to intervene, won't I?"

"…you can't take her, Saїx. She's going to meet Naminé."

"I think I can take her, Axel. Who's going to stop me, you?" he laughed. Admittedly, the idea was not an encouraging one.

I threw my chakram, glaring flames. "Yeah." I told him. "I'm going to stop you. I've come too far, Saїx. I can't let you ruin that!"

"Come, then!"

…

Do you really want to read about me getting my ass handed to me?

I didn't think so.

…

He stood over me, laughing. Kairi was screaming something, but I couldn't make out her words over Pluto's incessant howls. Where the hell was Riku?

Saїx knelt, laughing still. He slapped my face. "I could kill you, you know?" He asked. I swore. "But I'm not going to. I want you to watch as this all plays out. I want you to remember despair as we take Kingdom Hearts. Don't worry about Xemnas, hmm? I'll be sure to tell him how cooperative you were."

I pushed myself up on my elbow, intent on stopping him, but a swift kick to my jaw knocked me back over. Kairi screamed again when Saїx grabbed her, dragging her through a darkness door.

"SAЇX!" I yelled, slamming my fist into the floor as they disappeared. "Damn…damn!"

I pulled a darkness door open beneath me, landing in Naminé's room. I could barely hold myself up, but I did my best, drawing into the shadows in an attempt to hide my wounds.

"Axel!" She noticed anyway. "What—"

"Shut up and listen," I told her. I didn't have the breath to spend on insisting I was alright, "Where the hell is Riku?"

"He's not with you? Where's Kairi?" She tried to examine my wounds but I pulled away.

"Don't touch me! …Kairi's with Saїx. He took her. Riku wasn't at the meeting place. I knew I should have brought her straight here, but Riku said he wanted to explain…damn him. I knew he couldn't be trusted,"

"I don't think Riku's at fault here. Do you know what Xemnas did today?"

"What?" Something in her tone…I looked closer at the little blonde girl. She was crying. "What did he do?" A foreboding sensation overtook me. Something was very, very wrong here.

"…he sent Demyx. To face Sora. For no reason…" She bit her lip. "Because he knew…that Demyx was trying to help us."

"He was?" News to me.

"Well, he was planting things along the paths for Sora to find. Clues, hints, items…the same as you and Riku."

"And the idiot got caught?"

"Xemnas knows, Axel. He sent Demyx as a warning."

"What happened, Demyx get the shit beat out of him again?"

"…Axel…Demyx is dead."

I didn't react at first. I thought maybe I'd heard wrong.

"He…he…"

"He Faded. Sora killed him." I sat down on the floor with a loud thunk, leaning against the wall painfully.

"I'm sorry, Axel."

"What for? He was a fool."

"You don't mean that," She was trying to be kind.

"I do. But it doesn't matter, because I'm worse. I've got to go get Kairi back."

"All that will happen is that you'll die, too. Wait a bit. It won't hurt anything—Xemnas knows better than to harm her."

"Does he?" I couldn't find myself believing that. But Naminé knew more than I'd ever given her credit for. I'd just have to trust her.

"You know, Raxet came by today." She was looking at a picture she'd hung on the wall. A picture of me and Roxas.

"Oh?" I was cautious. The last time we'd talked about Raxet I'd nearly exploded. I didn't have the energy to explode.

"She had a lot of questions, but that's to be expected." Naminé was tracing the crayola lines. "…and I made her a promise."

"…what kind of promise?" she obviously wanted me to ask.

"I promised her that when this was over, she'd be whole. And she'd be as happy as it was possible for her to be. Can't you see how much this is hurting her?"

Don't talk to me about hurting. I think Saїx broke half my ribs.

"I can see it."

"Help me keep my promise, Axel."

"…I'll do what I can." I don't think I knew what I was saying, at that point. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring Kairi to you," I sighed, pushing myself back up. My blood stained the wall, but Naminé and I ignored it. There'd be more blood, before the end, and we both knew it.

"All in time," She shrugged. "It just wasn't meant to happen today. I'll see what I can do. And I trust Riku. Whatever called him away must have been urgent."

I kept my own theories to myself, stepping backwards into darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**Last Call for Love**

I probably should have gone to my own room. But I felt…mortal.

Vulnerable.

I wanted to see her. Because it might be the last time.

She was laying on her bed, clutching a pillow to her chest and staring blankly at the ceiling. I could make out trails on her cheeks, the paths left by tears that had long since dried. I could only come to one conclusion.

"You've heard the news, then?"

"About Demyx?" Her voice was almost dead, toneless. "Yeah."

"He was a good guy," Was about all I could come up with. Honestly? I felt horrible. But I think I was also still angry with him. Jealous, perhaps. She was obviously hung up over his death.

"I liked him," There you have it. I didn't comment about it, though. He was gone. What more was there to say? I figured I should at least try to be kind to his memory. I wished that I'd been kinder to him, made up. I felt regret. Another emotion. One that I could do without.

"I had a question for you," She had sat up, dropping the pillow. Her gaze was steady. Whatever the question was, it was serious.

"I heard you were full of questions, today."

"From Naminé?"

"Yeah. Anyway, shoot."

"Naminé said you were very close to Roxas. Xigbar's interpretation was that you were gay together. Does that make you a pedophile? He's Sora's age, right? Fifteen?"

At first, I didn't know how to respond. That was hardly one of the questions I'd been expecting.

"Where were you all day?" I could have answered easily.

"When have you met Sora before?" I had several answers to that one.

But she wanted to know if I was a gay pedophile? That was…absurd!

"I am NOT gay!" I grimaced. Xigbar would pay. Spreading rumors like that! How third grade! "Roxas wasn't gay, either. I'm also not a pedophile! Roxas…he was like…like my kid brother. We were friends." What Demyx should have been. I pushed the thought away. Demyx was nothing to Axel but a friend. If even that.

Dyme had been Alex's brother.

But I wasn't Alex, and Demyx had not been Dyme.

Raxet laughed, sounding relieved, and lay back down. "Well, that's comforting. It'd be strange to think I made love with a pedophile."

"Gee, I'm so glad we cleared that up," I replied, dryly. I took a seat on the very edge of the bed, wincing slightly when the movement caused pain.

"Are you alright?" Oops. I'd been doing so well with hiding it. "I was looking for you all day," She sounded a big haggard, like she'd been searching frantically. She must have had a long day. I knew what it was like to chase something forever and never find it.

Her fingers found a wound on my arm as they attempted to stroke my skin in a teasing manner. I jerked away, partly because it hurt, and partly because I didn't want her to know how bad it really was.

"You're bleeding!" She exclaimed, staring at the red dampness on her fingertips.

"Spent most of today getting beat up," I muttered. She reached for my zippers again. I thought about resisting, but I was so tired. I slouched, exhausted, as she examined my abused body.

She reached for one of the pillows, taking a firm grip on two of the tassels, preparing to pull.

"You don't—" I protested. It was too late, she'd already shredded the pillow into long, thin, bandages.

"Xemnas gave them to me," Oh. Well. I'd always been a big fan of irony. She began to bind my wounds, using the cotton from the stuffing to sop up the extra blood. "So…who did this to you?"

Another question I was relatively unprepared for. I shrugged, hissing when she jerked a bandage tighter than necessary. "Don't give me that shit," She scolded. "It straight up won't fly. Was it Xemnas? Xaldin? Saїx? All of the above?"

"You didn't name Sora," I noticed. Well, then again, he'd been busy killing Demyx, hadn't he?

"I thought you liked him?" Was her reason. Mine was better, I thought.

"I do," I shrugged gingerly, "Doesn't stop him from occasionally bashing my face in."

"So Sora beat you up then?"

"No," I shook my head.

"Who, then?" She finished the last bandage—the wound on my arm—and I felt her cool lips brush against the fevered skin above it. It almost tickled.

"Saїx," I admitted, sighing and laying my head on top of hers. I was so tired.

"Don't worry," She told me, "I won't ask why. I don't think you'd tell me anyway."

"I wouldn't," I whispered. "Thank you."

And suddenly she had snaked her arms around me, being gentle with me, considerate of my wounds. "Axel…I'm scared."

"What of?"

"I don't know what to do," She was shaking, and her voice was unnaturally timid. "I don't want to Fade, but…"

"Shh…" I told her, pressing my finger to her lips to silence her. "Don't talk." I rolled my head, leaning further into her, my head resting on her shoulder. "You're freezing me, you cruel witch,"

"I can't help it. You're melting me."

"Shh…" I repeated, this time quieting her with my lips. "Let's…just be quiet for a while, alright?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

**Into Nothingness**

"Axel?" A hand on my shoulder, shaking me gingerly. I resisted, grumbling into the pillow. I tried to tighten my grip on Raxet, but the girl had escaped my clutches sometime before.

"Axel!" The shaking grew more urgent. I sat up with a groan, rubbing at my eyes. "Razer? What--?"

"No, Kairi!" I blinked. Stared. Blinked again. Then I realized.

"Mother fuck," I leapt out of bed—shame be damned. Kairi flushed and turned away.

"He really beat you up, yesterday," She noted. I zipped my robes with a grunt. "…I hope…" I looked over at her, willing her to continue. "I hope that girl will be alright."

Raxet? I could only guess.

"Come on." I grabbed her hand.

"Wait—where—" I didn't answer. I didn't have time. I didn't want to think about what was happening. Don't think, I told myself. Just act. Just do what you've got to do. I dragged her through a darkness door, into Naminé's room.

"Naminé!" She was already awake. I pushed Kairi towards her. "Here. I've got to go. If you see Riku—"

"I know." She said, taking Kairi's hand. "I'll help Kairi explain things. Go. Hurry."

I was already gone. Saїx had taken Kairi to the dungeons yesterday—there'd been metal residue on her pink dress. There wasn't metal anywhere else in the entire castle, I knew. Someone had shattered the metal bars of Kairi's cell. It must have been Raxet. What other girl could it have been? No one, I knew. I was thinking myself in panicked circles.

"Razer? Raz! Where are you?" I ran doggedly through the corridors of the dungeons, searching for any signs of life. Maybe she'd gotten away. Maybe she was back in the room. Maybe I should go back and search for her there. "Raz!"

"Over….here…" I could barely hear her voice. It was faint, and weak from pain. I whirled around the corner, catching sight of her at last.

"Holy damn!" I sprinted to her side and knelt, feeling tears form in my eyes as I stared helplessly at the damage Saїx had done. Both her legs were crushed, and it looked like he'd done some horrid damage to her chest, as well. Not to mention he'd gutted her with her own sword. I pulled her hood away from her face, drowning myself in her eyes. "What…what…" What the hell were you thinking, you little idiot? But I couldn't make myself say it.

"I had to do my part." I brushed hair away from her face, and she _smiled_ at me. How she managed it, I'll never know. She'd been crying. She must have been in so much pain. I brushed a tear from her cheek, and then kissed her hand, bringing it to my lips with a shaking touch.

"You should have stayed put," I told her, my voice thick, "I had it…I had it under control!" How could I have been so stupid? I should have killed her the first time.

Now we were both going through more than we could handle. These emotions…they hurt so much. I didn't want them anymore. Where was the emptiness I had grown so used to? I think, at this point, I actually missed it.

"Did…" She struggled to get her question out.

"Shh. Yeah. Kairi got to the room. She woke me up. I took her to Naminé. They're whole now. But it could have waited!" I was crying now, too.

"I'm scared," She closed her eyes; the crystalline orbs were beginning to lose their glow as bits of the darkness that formed her floated in the air around us. She was Fading, and quickly. "I don't want to Fade, Axel,"

I began to massage her hands, wringing them gently between my own. "It'll be alright," I promised, "You'll be happier when you're whole," I hoped so. I found I genuinely wanted her to be happy. Tera would certainly be happier. Please, please let Raxet be happy, too.

"You don't understand, you heartless bastard," She whispered. Her voice was growing weaker. I leaned in to hear. "I was already whole. You're the only piece I ever needed. You…might as well…be my heart…" The grin was replaced by a grimace as a wave of pain wracked her body, and she was becoming more and more transparent. Her chest stopped its rise and fall as her breathing stilled.

I watched as a tear dripped from my cheek and passed through her to splat on the marble floor.

A hand on my shoulder drew my attention, but only for a moment.

"You should hurry," Riku told me. I ignored him, turning back to Raxet, still clinging to the phantom of her hand.

"Just a minute more," I pleaded, "She's almost gone."

"But he's still alive. You can't even touch her." Her hand fell through my skin. I grabbed desperately for it, but I couldn't even feel her chill. "See? Your hand passed right through! Please, Axel. I need you. So does he."

I stood, wiping at my face. I looked like a foolish schoolboy, I knew, but I didn't care.

"…I'm going. There's nothing left for me, either. I'll do everything I can to get Sora into the castle. Then it's up to you."

"I understand, thank you," His tone was so condescending that I looked up, out of my misery. I glared at him.

"Shut up." How could he even begin to understand? How dare he even say such a word. Somewhere inside, I knew that he had not meant that he understood how I felt, but I needed to yell at someone. He didn't flinch back, though.

"What was she to you?" I didn't have to think about it.

"She was the only woman I ever loved." I told him. He pushed a darkness door open for us.

"…I'm sorry," Riku apologized. I was grateful that he didn't make a comment about my use of the word 'love'. I think he may have been considering it. "I'm going to find Kairi, to protect her until Sora's through. Thank you for all you've done, Axel. I'll never forget."

"…I wish I could say that that makes me feel better." I stepped through the door, finding myself in the Nothing outside the castle. The door closed behind me, Riku still inside.

The scene that greeted me was worse than I'd expected. Sora and his two friends were surrounded by an army of Dusks. I think every Dusk that Xemnas had ever chained was there.

"Axel!" Donald quaked, lowering his staff to aim at me. I held up my hands with a weak chuckle.

"Hey guys." I kicked aside a couple of Dusks to stand next to them. One or two of them dove for my head, but I blocked with my Chakram. "Geeze. You know, I think I liked it better when they were on my side."

"Axel! Where's Kairi! I know you kidnapped her!" Sheesh. That's harsh. I totally did not kidnap her. I relocated her conveniently.

"She's safe, I promise. She's waiting for you in—" A Dusk came at my face. I knocked it aside. "—inside the castle."

"We'll never get in at this rate," Goofy bashed at a Dusk with his spiked shield.

"Please," I laughed dryly. I think they noticed the lack of humor in my chuckle. "I can handle these guys. Watch this." I drew my Chakram tight around me, releasing them in a magnificent wave of flame.

As a direct result, all the Nobodies in the area were obliterated.

As a direct result, the path was clear.

As a direct result, I collapsed, pieces of my entity floating away in wafts of darkness. Sora cried out and ran to my side, kneeling, concerned. How noble. I could have laughed, except this was all too serious.

"Axel! You're Fading…"

"Yeah, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack," especially when you didn't have much left, to begin with, "Hey…tell Kairi…I'm sorry about what happened."

"Tell her yourself, when we find her!" He reached as if to help me up, but he couldn't grab my hand. I shook my head; it was hopeless.

"No."

"…Thank you, Axel."

"You owe me." I demanded, suddenly. "You owe me."

"Anything," Sora promised, leaning in to hear better.

"When you get out of here…go to Radient Gardens…." I winced, feeling myself falling away into Nothing, "And tell her…Tera…tell her that Alex loved her until the very end."

"I promise," Sora said. He was crying. Baby.

"And…that Axel was pretty damn fond of her, himself." Sora nodded. I pushed a door open, the last of my energy going into the pathway. "That'll take you to the castle. Good luck, Sora. Hurry…" I couldn't keep the portal open long. Sora nodded and sprinted through, running to meet Kairi and Riku. Running to save the universe.

And me?

My part was done.

I'd done everything I could.

And all that was left was for me to Fade into Nothingness.

It wasn't as painful as I had once imagined.

But it was still Nothing.


End file.
